Happy! At last!

I'm feeling really happy today!
I made up with my self this morning that I'd stop being depressed and start being happy again. So the first thing I did, when I came to school was to start a non-awkward convesation with Mie. I was happy, even though she seemed a little off... I don't know..
Anyway,
I went on like that all day, but sometimes I felt like I was pushed away, which made me feel a bit sad. I tried to think of something else, and luckily it went away quickly.
It hasn't been a fantasticly good day or anything, but for the first time in a while, I feel like I can talk to people again, and that makes me very happy.
Over an out people! Have a nice day. <3
:D

Depression.

I've been thinking of this for quite a while, and I think I might be going through a depression. I've read about the symptoms on the internet, and it fits pretty well.
The symptoms are:

• You're constantly sad, and you cry for no reason.
• You're voice is low.
• The way you stand is very slumped down.
  

There is a few more, but those three is the one who fits to me, the best. Ever since new year, when I rejected this boy who apearently liked me, I've been feeling down. Not as much as now though.
He told me that he liked me, new years eve where I invited him over, and I said - because of the curse alcohol - "Alright! Let's give it a chance!" and kissed him. The second after I regretted it The next day I asked him to leave early, cuz' I was tired. Which I weren't. I just wanted to get him out of my house and leave me alone, cuz' he was really going near. Of course, since I practically said yes to going out the day before. So he left, and I wasn't online at all until very late that night. Of course, when I finally logged on he wrote me and asked, if I even ment what I said yesterday. I said no. I told him that I wasn't interrested  at all. And when he asked me to be 100% honest, I told him in 100% honesty; "It disgusts me, to think of us two together." and realized that it was a huge mistake to be that honest.
He got really sad, and said that he wanted to hate me, for what I did, but he just couldn't. That did it for me. I broke down crying and cried for two days straight. I felt so bad for hurting him. I hate hurtigt people. I hate it. I can't take it at all. But I did, and there was no way back.
Finally after two days, I decided to meet up with Mie, for a trip to copenhagen. It cheered me up very much, except for the fact that we were tired as hell after 3 hours of sleep.
After that, I felt like I normally do. I was happy, and laughed with my friends, right until my mom told me; "We're moving back to copenhagen." I didn't want that. In fact. That was the thing I least wanted. But no way out. Mom had spoken. Since then I've been very mad at her, and I didn't really want to talk to her. We fought alot, because all of the sudden I spoke back to her. And she got mad. Also. She kept telling me stuff I didn't want to hear. "Of course you'll lose you're freinds over here. But you'll get new ones." of course I'll lose my friends...Thanks. That's just what I wanted to hear.
Anyway,
I mostly ignorred it and kept going talking to my friends, and pretending to be all happy. I don't like talking about my problems cuz' I know how annoying it can be. Sometimes I feel, like the person nobody cares about, but uses to drop off their problems. But I know that my friends cares about me. And I love them for that. Even though. I feel like I'm loosing alot of friends because of this depressiong feeling. I've lost my ability to just talk to people. I've gotten shy again. Or... Not shy. But I don't know what to say. In the past I tried to be funny, and I was good at getting peoples attention, but I can't do that now. I have a really hard time, talking randomly to people I don't know. it annoys me, because that's kinda how I survived, in life.
Also I feel like, theres something wrong with one of my friends ... Everyday after school she gets really quiet but when we ask her if anythings wrong she says no. She's one of my closest friends, and I'm afraid to lose her. I have this horrible feeling that she hates me, or is mad at me, but I'm not sure if it's true or if it's just me.
All of this makes me feel so ... depressed and I walk around with this horrible feeling in my stomach, all the time.
I'm mad all the time, and I snap at people. I hate what I have become, and I just want things to go back to the way they were.
Please? Let me just live my normal live, like I've always done. Not this. Pretty please?

I don't want a depression, no one does.
It'll ruin my life. Definatily. For sure.
I don't want my life ruined again. To build it all up. Again.
Please don't break me again. . 

A sixth sense? - and stuff.

I know this sounds a bit wierd, and most people will probably think that I'm only saying this cuz' I want attention, but this is how I feel.
Roughly said I feel like I have the abillity to read peoples mind. Not directly, read what people think, but I'm good at guessing peoples feelings before they know it, themselves. I come up with theories, about humanity which mostly is correct. I get the feeling of dejavú quite often, and it happens pretty often that I dreamt what'd happen the next day...
I kind of like the thought, but I think most people would disagree and call me crazy. Saying that my imagination is too lively.
I've always taken quite an interest in these sort of things, and that's probably why I call it my sixth sense.
Just a short notice for you guys... 

Confused

I feel wierd. Confused, if you'd like. My friends are worried about me. What should I do? Monday night I broke down crying for the first time in almost 6 months. I was on skype with Nalle - one of my best friend, and of course she got really worried. That made me really happy, and it made me feel loved. A feeling that I missed out on, the first 8 years of school. She tried to comfort me, but I could tell that she had a hard time doing it.
I didn't come to school the next day. The breakdown was too much for me, and made me feel sick. I didn't have the courage to meet, the hating people in class. I wouldn't say that they bully me, but they don't really care about me.
Anyway,
I was supposed to ride the bus, to school since my parents left very early that morning to copenhagen, but I decided to fake it. When my parrents called and asked if I made it to the bus, I simply answered yes, even though I hadn't even dressed. It was something I planned the night before, so I was sure when I woke up that I wouldn't go.
Actually I had planned to go to sleep again when my parrents had called, but I didn't feel very tired so I turned on the computer and decided to learn how to knit. I learned it supricingly fast, but gave up half way in cuz' I messed up. I felt more relaxed than the night before. You could almost say that I was my normal happy self again.
But then one of my friends texted me and asked me if I was okay, and it all came raining down again. But I managed to smile, and tell her that it wasn't anything that serious, since it was only a small breakdown. But she kept on going, and told that it wasn't alright, and that she felt really bad worrying about me. That made me feel worse. I didn't want her to feel bad, because of me, but at the same time I was glad that somebody did. I tried to assure that I was okay. She told me 'ok' but I still had the feeling that she didn't accept it.
When My dad came home the same day, the first thing he asked me was "Did you go to school today?" I answered with an undertone "Yes." but he kept going "Where is your bus-ticket?" That made me panic. I didn't have one. I asked, "What do you want that for" whereto he laughed and said, "Nothing, I was only messing around!" I relaxed again, smiled and said "oh."
When I came to school the next day - I was running a little late, and got there almost and hour after the first bell rang - I had this horrible feeling that my friends were mad at me. Especially Mie. My other best friend and 'little brother'.
I had an idea why, but then again I could be wrong. I wondered if it could be me, and my wierd moodswings that was out fucking with me. Or could that bitch Sofie - my mortal enemy since 6th grade - have told them something wierd about me, that made them hate me? No. They weren't like that.
I spend most of the day with them, but felt uncomfortable with them around, and decided to walk off with two of my other friends, whom I normally don't hang around.
Nalle and Mie apearently talked, and thet both asked me if something was wrong, which I answered "Uhmm ... not really, I'm just feeling a bit bad.."
At the end of the day they asked me if I was mad at them, which I wasn't and we came to the conclusion that we were just scarring each other away.
Even though I still had a feeling that Mie was very mad at me.
I spend the rest of the week up until now(sunday) feeling wierd, and my moodswinging has gotten a bit better. But now I feel alot more useless than usual ... And I've gotten these huge black lines under my eyes.
I don't know what's with me, but it's definatly not good...