I'm feeling sorry for myself all the time, and GOD how am I annoying. I must be driving everyone I know CRAAAAZY. They're all so sweet, telling me that I don't need to be so hard on myself, but I won't listen. I'm starting to hate myself, again. I'm going to a party thingy tonight. Nothing fansy, just some friends meeting up to have fun and say goodbye. You don't even have to dress up. And I got stressed because I couldn't find anything to wear. I couldn't find anything, so here I am, feeling sorry for myself because I can't look nice in anything. OH LOOK. There it was again. The selfpity. I hate selfpity, and I go on and on about it all the time, and now it's me. Being selfpityous. I'm pretty sure it's even selfpity to omplain about it, so I don't even wonna go on.
I actually wanted to write a post about how bad I am at everything and how ugly I look. But that's even more selfpity than this. Oh my god, Anko stop yourself :CCCC
Please?
I don't really know why this is happening... Because I know that I'm going to move away from my friends very soon, or because my mom and dad are divorcing, and everything being really wierd at home, with my dad drinking at night, and my mom driving me crazy. Am I selfpitying again? Oh god I can't stop... I'm going to totally ruin that party.
I'm going to england with Nalle again this summer, and I'm REALLY looking forward to it. The only thin is, I'm afraid that I might annoy the living crap out of her, and we'll lose our friendship. I'd kill myself if that happened.
I know, that if I ever told this to any of my friends(who probably is gonna read this anyway x'D Sorry if I offend any of you guys!) they would deny everything and tell me it's not true, but I have a feeling it's not true. If I annoy myself, why shouldn't I annoy everybody else? I think I'm trying too hard, to maintain our friendship, and that might makes me act wierd.... I dunno...
I just wanted to get some of those stupid thoughts out of my head for a little while. Now I'm going to empty my head, and try to get in the mood of a party.sigh...
You're being paranoid. And yes, I will "deny". I can't speak for others, but pretty please, no one is gonna get tired of you for feeling bad. It's natural, and I hate selfpity too, but I sure do it myself. Who ain't a little two sided sometimes? Besides, it's not selfpity when your dad drinks and your mom annoys you. That is jus, simply put, not a safe environment for you to be in.
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